I am a human. Yet I am different from everyone else. That doesn’t mean I am set apart to be made fun of. I’m not something for you to glance at and then throw away like a broken toy. And if I am a broken toy, then at least I’m still different from the others. The other “toys” that all look, think, and act the same. The ones that’ve never had to suffer the carelessness of a sibling, parent, or friend. The ones that’ve never been told that they’re ugly, freakish, or cold hearted.
My hair is darker than a blonde’s, but still lighter than the blackette’s (and yes that’s a term I’ve learned). My eyes are darker than blues or greens. My skin is pale, and by comparing to the people around me, I can’t find someone I’m darker than. This doesn’t give anyone the right to call me names, or to mistreat me. I am a human, just like everyone else. But I have feelings too, even though half of the time I have a face of either neutrality or indifference.
Why is it that you walk past me, when I am still there? Don’t tell me you were too busy, when you noticed just about every other person. But me. I am still the broken toy, the one nobody cared for. The one nobody wanted to play or talk with. If a person breaks down in school, does anyone hear? Perhaps, if they’re listening well enough to the things around them, and not to every one of their friends. Friends who say they will always be there. Friends who leave in the face of danger or fear.
And yet, I’ve tried to be there for my friends. I’ll still be there. Even for the strangers who I’ve never talked to, the ones that are like me in the fact that they’re lonely and just hurting. Hurting from the solitude, and the endless bullying. I’ll be there to help, if I can. I can truthfully say that I can empathize. That I know how some of the others feel. But no one hears me when I call out.
I call out. Can you hear? I don’t call out physically of course. You have to see, and to try to hear me. The way I act, and the way I look can call out for me.
I’m not perfect. But there’s a reason I’m here, I just haven’t figured it out yet. Even though I’m just a human, I still think for myself. I won’t do what everyone else tells me. I won’t think what they tell me to think. I won’t act how they tell me to act. I will do what I want, think how I want, and act how I want. How can I do that, when everyone else wants me to be like them? Simple. I tell them that they were wrong. They were wrong, to tell me that I am worthless. That I’m a freak. That I am cold hearted. That I’m mute and stupid.
I’m an artist. A writer. A reader. A listener. I hear what others ignore. I see what others are oblivious to. And I feel what others can only think of feeling. And if you think that I’m just the quiet person that is just standing there in their own solitude and stupidity, look closer. Look closer. You’ll find that I’m much more than just the introverted, silent and shy girl in class. Or the awkward, anti-social person in public. Deep down I’m caring, sensitive and I have a heart. A heart that has healing scars from being broken over and over during the day.
If you’ve bothered to read this, thank you. Thank you for having the patience to read this. But if you criticize, then...well how is it my fault that I feel this way? If you’ve got a problem with the way I am, deal with it. I deal with how everyone else is too, so just leave me alone about my faults. We all have them.
And if you have problems like me, I'm here if you'd like someone to talk to. There will always be bullies and cruel people. It's just a fact. And if you see someone with many faults, don't judge or assume without getting your facts straight.